About Me

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My goals for the future is to obtain a teaching/librarian job, lose weight, own a house, and to travel the world.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Do Not Conform To The Patterns of This World

"Do not conform to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  (Romans 12:2) 

I first encountered this verse/quote during basic training at Ft. Jackson, South Carolina.  I was away from home, I missed my cat, the drill sergeant was screaming at me, and I was training to be a soldier. The "patterns of this world" was that girls cannot be soldiers or I was too shy therefore too hard or that Army is not the right fit for me.  The "transformed" mind is me getting stronger, faster, and more confident in myself and believing that I can do the impossible. 

 So where am I at now? I am a teacher that has never had a full time job, I am terrified of the "interview", and I have flunked out of graduate school (so much for becoming a school librarian) because I hate/struggle with online classes.  I am overweight, broke, and out of shape.  And I am officially diagnosed with ADD...I am unorganized, I procrastinate, and I rather read a book than clean my house.

I think it is time for me to remember this important lesson that I have seem to have forgotten.  I AM a teacher with a masters in education.  I may be broke but I am a faboulus cook, I can sew/mend clothing, I am resourceful, and I know how to create something from nothing using a little ingeniuty.  Also, knowing that I am ADD ensures me that I am not crazy or lazy but I am hard wired my way; now I have a basis to start from to move forward.

My new "patterns of this world" is not all of the things I have listed above but that I have left things unfinished.  Now I need to focus on "renewing my mind".  So what is the first step?

Friday, May 27, 2011

Beloved Aunt

I have ignored my poor little blog for months now but I have good reason write a post.  Yesterday (May 26) I lost a beloved aunt.  While I am sad, I certainly do not envy my cousins right not.  I have my mother, who is alive and healthy.  She has endured 2 knee surgeries, a hip replacement, and breast cancer.  I plan on her being around for many more years to come!

All these images of Denny keep returning from my memory.  Childhood vacations to California, many a quilt week, and sewing lessons.  This just confirms that traveling to California (Amtrak rocks!) to visit her was the best decision.  I got to say goodbye.  It is hard watching the older generation get sick and leave this world. 

Just to add to my frustration, my brothers spend way to much time holding on to bitter and made-up resentments against our mother while refusing to acknowledge their own part in the scenario.  Visiting my family in Cali made me a little jealous.  All of my cousins are close to eachother as well as their parents.  I pray that some day my brothers will wise up and find forgiveness in their hearts.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Oops, I did it again...

Oops.I did it again (to quote Brittany)...procrastinated on my homework and now everything is coming due at the same time.  This is a pattern the so needs to change!!!!  It sucks!!!!  In the real world, in the classroom, I would struggle but would stay on top of things much easier because I would be reminded daily of what needs to be done and because I am in charge.  With classes, however, someone else is in charge.  Now to put my nose to the grindstone (yes I am aware of the cliche) and get to work.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


I have a temper.  I wish I didn't.  I wish I was patient life my father.  Stoic even...like a distance and quiet leader that observes, watches, and speaks only words of wisdom.  The type of person that when I speak my words are worth listening too.

Instead, I get frustrated easily which my son proudly takes advantage to provoke me...and I fall for it almost every time.  Once in a while I can catch my self, but not often enough.  My friends don't necessarily see this side of me and my sister has only seen a version of my temper.  It is almost like a deep, dark creature that hides in the corner looking for opportunities to humiliate me.  How can I learn to control my temper?  More yoga?  Work out more.  It would help if I was more organized and less stressed out.

Any ideas?  Do any of you lose your temper?

Sunday, March 6, 2011


A humming bird flew into my house and became confused trying to fly out the window.  We tried to open the window but the little guy got stuck between window panes.  The hummingbird was the size of my thumb and I could see his little chest rise and fall in complete panic and fright.  Finally, he stopped moving he was so frightened.  My son finally was able to picked the tiny bird up and stick him in a jar.  I took the jar outside and placed the hummingbird on the ground.  It took a little while before the creature calmed down enough to fly away.  His feathers was so beautiful...blue and green.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Worst Day of the Year

While this is not technically on My List of Impossible Things, an opportunity came up and I have decided to go for it.  In Portland, there is an organized bike ride that happens once a year, called the "Worst Day of the Year". I have never done something like this and it was a lot of fun!  It was amazing to ride throughout the Portland neighborhoods with 4,000 people.  This was a bold step for me to take and I actually feel proud of myself.  I look forward to the next community event!  This is one step closer toward my goal of running in a 5K!  Here are some pictures for you to enjoy!
Me and my dorky smile

My riding partner Michelle

I loved her costume!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Report Card

When I was in school, getting my report card was always an exciting time for me.  I was a good student, I enjoyed school, and so I expected good grades.  Sometimes my parents felt generous and would pay me for the A's and B's.  However, this enthusiasm does not extend toward my son.  He is secretive, tells half-truths about what is due and not, what is homework and not homework.  I listen to a long line of excuses such as: "I forgot...I  was supposed to due that?...The teacher is boring/stupid/gives dumb assignments...It is not a real class!"   He is  good kid but unorganized and lazy.  It is hard to stay on top of all the time.  I struggle with my own organizational skills and I have to teach someone else!

One thing is for sure, yelling does not work nor does bribery.  I have to find the balance between what is fair while remaining strict.  Plus, taking away the privileges of television/Ipod/video games means that the rest of us cannot watch television.  We live in a small house with only one television and my husband loves his television, so he feels "grounded" as well.  That is not fair.

I look forward to the day when my son makes the connection that when his motivation matches his ability life for him becomes a lot easier.  Plus his parents will get off his back.  I suspect there are adults who have not made this connection, ability finally meeting up with the desire.

Any thoughts or suggestions?  What are your experiences with motivation vs abilities?