About Me

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My goals for the future is to obtain a teaching/librarian job, lose weight, own a house, and to travel the world.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Day 94: I am so dang slow!

Why is is that when you finally admit the truth it feels like a new discovery?  Or more like "Duh, I guess I should have put the pieces together sooner!"  What am I talking about?  Apparently, this pattern of procrastination  before the panic rises is something that crosses to other areas of my life.  This is something that I suspected but now I am beginning to make the connection.  My family has been teasing me about starting projects and never finishing them.  Furthermore, my friend was talking to me about weigh loss and the struggles that go along with it.  The truth is I have not lost as much weight as I think I should have by this point.  If I go back to my original rules so why am I doing this, I should have lost around 24 lbs.  So why haven't I?  Why do I sabotage myself?  Of course I could argue that injury both my shoulder and my knee in the last few months has not helped the cause. 

Uggh, this is so frustrating!  Learning about yourself is both exciting and eye opening at the same time.  My mother told me that when I was younger she decided that it was easier to do things herself then to make me do it, i.e. chores.  Maybe I am still waiting for someone to do things for me.  Now I need to do things for myself.  Making my list of impossible things and writing this blog is a step in the right direction.  Getting started is easy for me but finishing a project...homework, housework, weight less, anything seems so daunting that I want to walk away and distract myself with something else; I need to focus on completing my projects.

I have made some progress.  My darling friend helped me paint my dining room (I am tired of living in my rental house painted "landlord white").  I have been wanting to paint the house for a long time but getting started seemed impossible.  We painted the first coat yesterday and I finished with the second coat today, but I am so dang slow!  I am slow in everything and get distracted easily.  I have also started to sort through my stuff moving toward a minimalist direction.  I can except that I may be slow, I just need to remember to finish what I have started, just like the saying "Why put off tomorrow what I can accomplish today."

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