Do Not Conform To The Patterns of This World

"Do not conform to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  (Romans 12:2) 

I first encountered this verse/quote during basic training at Ft. Jackson, South Carolina.  I was away from home, I missed my cat, the drill sergeant was screaming at me, and I was training to be a soldier. The "patterns of this world" was that girls cannot be soldiers or I was too shy therefore too hard or that Army is not the right fit for me.  The "transformed" mind is me getting stronger, faster, and more confident in myself and believing that I can do the impossible. 

 So where am I at now? I am a teacher that has never had a full time job, I am terrified of the "interview", and I have flunked out of graduate school (so much for becoming a school librarian) because I hate/struggle with online classes.  I am overweight, broke, and out of shape.  And I am officially diagnosed with ADD...I am unorganized, I procrastinate, and I rather read a book than clean my house.

I think it is time for me to remember this important lesson that I have seem to have forgotten.  I AM a teacher with a masters in education.  I may be broke but I am a faboulus cook, I can sew/mend clothing, I am resourceful, and I know how to create something from nothing using a little ingeniuty.  Also, knowing that I am ADD ensures me that I am not crazy or lazy but I am hard wired my way; now I have a basis to start from to move forward.

My new "patterns of this world" is not all of the things I have listed above but that I have left things unfinished.  Now I need to focus on "renewing my mind".  So what is the first step?

Beloved Aunt

I have ignored my poor little blog for months now but I have good reason write a post.  Yesterday (May 26) I lost a beloved aunt.  While I am sad, I certainly do not envy my cousins right not.  I have my mother, who is alive and healthy.  She has endured 2 knee surgeries, a hip replacement, and breast cancer.  I plan on her being around for many more years to come!

All these images of Denny keep returning from my memory.  Childhood vacations to California, many a quilt week, and sewing lessons.  This just confirms that traveling to California (Amtrak rocks!) to visit her was the best decision.  I got to say goodbye.  It is hard watching the older generation get sick and leave this world. 

Just to add to my frustration, my brothers spend way to much time holding on to bitter and made-up resentments against our mother while refusing to acknowledge their own part in the scenario.  Visiting my family in Cali made me a little jealous.  All of my cousins are close to eachother as well as their parents.  I pray that some day my brothers will wise up and find forgiveness in their hearts.

Oops, I did it again...

Oops.I did it again (to quote Brittany)...procrastinated on my homework and now everything is coming due at the same time.  This is a pattern the so needs to change!!!!  It sucks!!!!  In the real world, in the classroom, I would struggle but would stay on top of things much easier because I would be reminded daily of what needs to be done and because I am in charge.  With classes, however, someone else is in charge.  Now to put my nose to the grindstone (yes I am aware of the cliche) and get to work.

Temper

I have a temper.  I wish I didn't.  I wish I was patient life my father.  Stoic even...like a distance and quiet leader that observes, watches, and speaks only words of wisdom.  The type of person that when I speak my words are worth listening too.

Instead, I get frustrated easily which my son proudly takes advantage to provoke me...and I fall for it almost every time.  Once in a while I can catch my self, but not often enough.  My friends don't necessarily see this side of me and my sister has only seen a version of my temper.  It is almost like a deep, dark creature that hides in the corner looking for opportunities to humiliate me.  How can I learn to control my temper?  More yoga?  Work out more.  It would help if I was more organized and less stressed out.

Any ideas?  Do any of you lose your temper?

Hummingbird

A humming bird flew into my house and became confused trying to fly out the window.  We tried to open the window but the little guy got stuck between window panes.  The hummingbird was the size of my thumb and I could see his little chest rise and fall in complete panic and fright.  Finally, he stopped moving he was so frightened.  My son finally was able to picked the tiny bird up and stick him in a jar.  I took the jar outside and placed the hummingbird on the ground.  It took a little while before the creature calmed down enough to fly away.  His feathers was so beautiful...blue and green.

Worst Day of the Year

While this is not technically on My List of Impossible Things, an opportunity came up and I have decided to go for it.  In Portland, there is an organized bike ride that happens once a year, called the "Worst Day of the Year". I have never done something like this and it was a lot of fun!  It was amazing to ride throughout the Portland neighborhoods with 4,000 people.  This was a bold step for me to take and I actually feel proud of myself.  I look forward to the next community event!  This is one step closer toward my goal of running in a 5K!  Here are some pictures for you to enjoy!

Me and my dorky smile

My riding partner Michelle

I loved her costume!

Report Card

When I was in school, getting my report card was always an exciting time for me.  I was a good student, I enjoyed school, and so I expected good grades.  Sometimes my parents felt generous and would pay me for the A's and B's.  However, this enthusiasm does not extend toward my son.  He is secretive, tells half-truths about what is due and not, what is homework and not homework.  I listen to a long line of excuses such as: "I forgot...I  was supposed to due that?...The teacher is boring/stupid/gives dumb assignments...It is not a real class!"   He is  good kid but unorganized and lazy.  It is hard to stay on top of all the time.  I struggle with my own organizational skills and I have to teach someone else!

One thing is for sure, yelling does not work nor does bribery.  I have to find the balance between what is fair while remaining strict.  Plus, taking away the privileges of television/Ipod/video games means that the rest of us cannot watch television.  We live in a small house with only one television and my husband loves his television, so he feels "grounded" as well.  That is not fair.

I look forward to the day when my son makes the connection that when his motivation matches his ability life for him becomes a lot easier.  Plus his parents will get off his back.  I suspect there are adults who have not made this connection, ability finally meeting up with the desire.

Any thoughts or suggestions?  What are your experiences with motivation vs abilities?

The Difference Between Talk and Action

In the time that I have been writing my post, I have been a little impulsive with my words.  The original rules of my blog was that I would work out 6 days a week, lose 2 lbs. a week, and commute by bike everywhere.  While these are noble goals, some obstacles have gotten in the way.  First, I am a procrastinator; this is a huge struggle for me.  I am also unorganized; the whole day will fly by I will ask myself what did I actually do?  Finally, it is easy to talk.  It reminds me of contestants on The Biggest Loser, when they talk about watching the show from their couch vs actually being on the show with Jillian Michael's screaming in your face like an Army drill sergeant during basic training.  It is easy to talk but taking action is daunting.

Well, I have finally started to transition from talk to action.  I started Weight Watchers, I program that is based on decision-making.  And I have started to train for a 5K, which I have not done since my Army days 15 years ago.  This is definitely a goal on My List of Impossible Things.  I may be slow, with a walk 5 minutes/ run 30 seconds to start with, but I am getting there.  My lovely neighbor as kindly volunteered to train me.  I am not going to turn down something like that down!  Plus, I think she likes the excuse of hitting the trails for herself.

Collection and Development

Today I got to taste a sample of my chosen career path.  I visited a high school library and the resident library media specialist.  I stumbled upon her by the grace of God one day when I happened to work as a substitute teacher one day at the school.  It reminded me of the military, learning a whole new language.  I understood about 60% of what she was saying.  I will catch on eventually...I am really excited about my chosen career path even if it seems a little daunting.

Friends, Sacred Fire, and Running

Over the past month, I have been engaged in an e-mail "argument" with a dear friend of mine...sorry, I will refrain from the juicy details to protect her privacy.  It is hard to watch someone struggle, especially when I have strong opinions about how she should handle her situation.  My opinions does not really matter.  Ultimately, it is up to her to deal with her sadness.  The most I can do is just love and listen to her.  Human nature has designed us to run our mouths...that is why I think when individuals have mastered the skill of not talking, they are truly enlightened.  I am working on this.

So I decided to attend the Sacred Fire  out her house held once a month as a show of love and friendship.  Luckily for me she was friendly.  In case you are wondering, Sacred Fires affords the opportunity for people to gather together to talk, share, and tell stories similar to the ancient Native Americans.  It is very relaxing.  While sitting around the fire, I couldn't help but to smell my hands.  I actually made vegetarian red beans and rice (this is a huge accomplishment for me) and my hands smelled like onions, garlic, and campfire.  Yummy.

Finally, I am pleased to announce that I have actually started "training" for my first race.  Actually, I will practice with the 5K Shamrock "Stroll" this St. Patrick's Day.  My neighbor has kindly volunteered to help whip me into shape.  Running in an organized community event is on my list of "impossible things".  I haven't run since I served in the military!

What projects are you working toward you list of Impossible Things?

Birthday Dinner

Yesterday it was my mother's birthday dinner.  Usually my sister is the one to play hostess, kind of like a mini-Martha Stewart but not quite as neuritic.  So it was a little different and a challenge to step up and fill her shoes.  First of all, my parents arrived 40 minutes early with dishes in the sink and the table not cleared.  My son had barely finished vacuuming and I was still finishing up dinner.  We opened the door with a smile on our face and let them see the mess.  However, I think she was grateful that some things were unfinished.  My mom commented that she was glad to be healthy enough to help me (she is recovery from radiation for breast cancer treatments).  So I finished dinner, my mom did the dishes, and my husband cleaned the table.  We had a great visit and my dad told funny stories.  Actually, I should add that to my list of impossible things....to record my father's stories; he has some great ones!

Dreams...

Dreams are a funny part of mind.  Sometimes it is a reflection of our day or the last activity that we participated in.  Or sometimes I think dreams is a way to talk to ourselves about our joys, sorrows, or frustrations.  I also wonder dreams is a way for the universe or God to speak to us directly.  Last night I had four dreams (it is unusual that I remembered them at all) that all centered around the same theme: me looking for a job far away from my family.

Dream #1:  I am in Washington D.C. for a teaching job fair and I am by myself.  I have always traveled with either my sister or my husband, so it was unusual to be in the nation's capital on my own.

Dream #2:  I am in Singapore for a library media conference.  It is a meeting of school librarians all over the world.  I have never been to Singapore or overseas, so this really out of my league.  Again, I am traveling by myself with my family at home.

Dream #3:  This time I am in Chicago at a teacher's job fair for overseas school.  It is the last fair for the year in a frantic rush to fill teaching positions.  Same thing, I have only driven through Chicago once but never actually toured around.  I am by myself.

Dream #4:  I am back in Washington D.C. but this time I have my son with me.  My husband is at home.  My son and I are coordinating our evening plans and when we are going to meet up.  I am in the city for the same reason...a teacher's job fair.

Have you ever had strange dreams?  Were your dreams a message from the universe or from yourself?  Please share...

Staying "HOT" keeps me busy!

My goal this term is to stay HOT: Homework on Time!  Well, shock of all shock, when I am HOT it keeps me busy.  But this is a good thing.  It means that I am not just sitting around, twiddling my thumbs but work toward something productive.  Further motivation is to set a good example for my son!

I also joined Weight Watchers.  It is set like an AA meeting but still, a lot of good information to absorb.

Finally, in my studies I have come to conclusion that there is a lot I do not know, such as "RSS" feed, "Twitter", "wikis", or "delicious".  Any one want to help me out on this?  As a librarian media specialist, it my responsibility to figure out how to use these tools in the school environment.  This is the 21st century library!  HELP!

I think I gave birth to my own obnoxious little brother!

I am the youngest of four children with eight years between me and the second youngest.  It almost seemed like I was an only child.  However, this past school year, my beautiful baby boy is 12 going 16 with a major attitude.  He is lazy, argues over EVERYTHING, and refuses to practices his trumpet he though loves to play it...go figure that one.  My husband says we fight like we are brother and sister.  So no, my son is not literally my brother, but I feel like if I ever had a little brother, he would have been like my son...annoying and obnoxious!

Why, why, why, won't he make the connection that if he writes in his planner, practices his instrument, and does his homework, we (his parents) will BACK OFF.  Is it because that is just way to simple?  Is it our inherent nature, that between 12 and 16, we must make things as difficult as possible?  Is that part of the learning curve?

On top of this frustration, my worst fear is beginning to come true.  Since I struggle with organization and turn in my homework on time (I have written about this all over my blog), my son is using me as a basis for his laidback mentality toward school.  Even more motivation, besides professional growth, to step it up!

Holy S*%$! Are you doing your homework? No wonder it is snowing...

The title of the post is quoting my husband as he fought the urge to pass out from shock because I was actually doing my homework with it not being a month late.  My theme for the winter term is to be HOT: Homework on Time.  Further motivation to be HOT is the gentle chiding I received from the academic advisor about turning my work in late.  If I want a good recommendation from the university, I need to step things up.  It is not to late to turn myself around but I certainly cannot afford anymore mistakes.

3 Types of To-Do's for the Renaissance Person

While I wish that I can claim credit for this idea, I also cannot.  I am borrowing Joel Runyon's concept on how to balance several projects that are going on at the same time.  Basically, you group what needs to get done into 3 categories or 3 types of To-Do's:  there is what cannot be accomplished NOW, SOON, and IN THE NEAR FUTURE.  This is my new strategy for me to not procrastinate and to get my projects completed on time; it will be an experiment.  So here goes:

NOW: right this second and beyond

• stick to my workout routine (that I have just created) for the "race" I want to participate in March
• sub as often as possible to save for the summer
• HOT (Homework on Time)
• seek fabric donation for girls vests (I volunteer with Somalian refugee Campfire girls)
• weekly group plans for Campfire 
• refine resume and apply to Saudi Aramco training center
• count steps

SOON: 1 week to 1 month

• HOT (Homework on Time)
• seek grant for Campfire girls
• begin to sew vests; seek helpers
• apply for scholarships
• apply to the National Endowment for Humanities for teacher summer workshops (in case Saudi Aramco does not work out)
• count steps
• scrapbook pictures
• workout routine
• purchase fabric to sew professional wardrobe
• sub as many days as possible for the summer

IN THE NEAR FUTURE: 1 month to 6 months

• Shamrock Stride--March 13 (walking a 5K)
• HOT: (Homework on Time)
• search and purchase plane ticket to visit sister in Saudi Aramco (in case job with Saudi Aramco does not work out)
• Shu Ren Gala
• sew professional wardrobe
• sew vests for Campfire girls
• scrapbook
• sub as many days as possible for the summer

In order to accomplish some of my "List of Impossible Things" I need to sub (part-time teaching in the classroom) 45 days before the end of June!  I need to save for:

• visiting my sister in Saudi Arabia
• spending money for the summer (teaching is 9 months out the year = summers off!)
• $ for China trip my son will take next year as an 8th grader

If you want to know how to create your own 3 Types of To-Do's for the Renaissance Person then visit Joel Runyon's "Blog of Impossible Things".

As usual, I invite to share your thoughts and/or suggestions.

The Girl in the Mirror

If an anorexic is someone who thinks of themselves as fat but is actually skinny, then what do you call someone who thinks of themselves as skinny but actually is fat?  That is me.  I think of myself as thin, gorgeous, and full of confidence waiting to burst out...then I see the girl in the mirror and I reminded that I am obese.  The other day when I was subbing the class room, I waved my hand (part of the activity) and my whole arm waved with it.  A student noticed and started to laugh.  I knew why but choose to ignore it; truth be told it was really embarrassing.  My dream fantasy is to be the sexy, "hot librarian", but how to get to the point.  It is a daunting task.  So here is my first goal, a tangible goal, which is to drop one dress size by birthday on February 25th.  Plus, I am going walk in the Shamrock "Stride".  I even have a walking partner which is really exciting for me.  Now I am committed!

I invite you to leave your thoughts, stories, or words of encouragement.